Monday, February 27, 2012

So Glad Spring Is On The Way

Yes, friends, Spring has finally begin to spring, I can just smell it in the air!!! More intoxicating that Everclear at a Nickleback (fuck no, I don't like Nickleback, it would just take a shitload of Everclear to help me get through a night with them). I got the fantasy teams all picked out & the lineups are pretty much set. Check your local listings, first spring training games are this weekend! WOOHOO!


Last night's Oscars? Damn good! Billy is THE professional in the truest sense of the word, beating the living SHIT outta last year's presenters. And yes, for the first time in a long, long time, almost every actor/movie that I thought deserved an Oscar GOT ONE. Rest assured, a baseball movie will win an Oscar again one day, Moneyball is not my last hope. I feel pretty confident about that. The Muppet movie even won one, what's not to love, right ?!


I been looking with a goddamn microscope at the JLo "wardrobe malfunction" (just like every other red-blooded, American male, don't tell me that I'm the only one in the world that loves me some TITTAYS!!!). And upon further review: although quite revealing, no real from of anything nipple-like/in the nipple region can be seen. I call inconclusive evidence to reverse the call. The dress was stunning & when you say "wardrobe malfunction", you can best believe that JLo is the one that I want to have it. Will whip out the microscope anytime for her.


Angelina!!!   LEG!!! GODDAMN!!!  'Nuff said. That shall be MY last words on the Oscars for now, let's move on to something a hair more serious (but not fuckin' much).


I was really hoping that Rick Santorum would be the one to knock off Mitt Romney, but Rick found a way to show us just how really, REALLY crazy he is by the shit he was talking Sunday. OMG! Last time I mentioned how batshit he was on the whole education thing, wanting the whole of America to do something along the lines of an educational commune & leave the federal and state gov't out of everything - and I really do mean EVERYTHING - educational. But this next batshit idea has gotten outta hand (Ron Paul Revolution members and watchers, please, take note)...


The dumbshit actually believes that the separation of church and state is not fundamentally separate. That one should govern the other (this is the part where the Ron Paul Revolution should be loading their guns and getting the hanging ropes ready). THE CONSTITUTION makes them separate! PERIOD. There is no gray area. You can say and feel anyway you wanna about religion, contraception, education, abortion, etc. You can yell and scream all you wanna about Obamacare, Romneycare, the individual mandate, these are your RIGHTS to PEACEABLE disagree with that stuff as PROVIDED by the CONSTITUTION. But when you aim dead-center at the Bill of Rights & pick the separation of church and state. That's when you get laughed outta the room. You're off the reservation, you need mental help (though in Rick's case, may he always seek mental help, but never get it, he's too much damn fun to watch implode on Sundays).


Just because you're going up against a candidate that's about as conservative as Rick James sniffing coke out of a nun's cooter, doesn't mean ya have to ACTUALLY fall on your conservative sword and aim for something pre-Magna Carta! Didn't George H.W. Bush with the flag burning constitutional amendment shootdown teach you a lesson. He knew he went a bridge too far & didn't really bitch and moan about it when it didn't happen. Way to not pay attention, dickhead. 


{But please, beat Mitt Romney in Michigan, I wanna see a brokered convention so bad I can TASTE it!}


That's my time, folks, gonna go help a friend move this morning & then watch the Daytona 500 (weather-permitting) with my Twitterwifey Jen. Always.... FORWARD.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Pretty Damn Cool...For A Politician

First, as usual, you know I gotta yell "hey" across a quiet room. Lemme say hey to my girl Dawn. She's my newest, bestest buddy & a zombie killing machine. Can't wait to go on a few missions with her :)

Who's in trouble more, we'll let you decide. Romney, who is so unconvincing and milk toast, he's trying to find a way to eek out a victory in his own home state & the numbers, so far, aren't adding up to greatness. ORRRR... Rick Santorum, who wants to fight - and now has a platform for- his culture war in front of a national TV audience in tonight's 20th GOP debate in Arizona. Ricky, it was nice knowin ya! You can go ahead & grab any mic you wanna & start talking crazy shit all over the place, but you're gonna have seasoned, professional people asking you specific questions on your specific, hair-brained issues. Frankly, Jr., you just ain't got the grapes to handle it. By the way, genius, when your party says to you "Put the war down just for one night & stick to the economy", LISTEN. This could be your last chance to prove that your sane... that you don't hate minorities... that you're not a closet homosexual.

Rev. Franklin Graham, the President Of The United States is not going to hell for believing in pro choice issues! Don't be a dick. There is no way in the world that you could get 3 sane people to believe that you can go to hell for something you believe.  I believe that my new friend Dawn should be giving me a lap dance {sorry, baby, couldn't help it, the devil made me do it :)}  24/7 flanked by the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. If I'm gonna go to hell for a belief like that, guess what... I'm gonna have lots of lots of company as I'm in hell, my black ass getting the tan of all tans.  All ya had to do, Rev., is say when you're asked the question is "I believe that the President is a Christian, but I don't agree on his view about abortion". You say it solidly, boldly & ya shut the damn door, next question. YOU DON'T sound like a pussy, give a half-ass answer & then have the nerve to timidly say "Well, one day, the President is gonna have to stand before his maker..." We're all gonna have to stand before our maker one day & Jesus is gonna run the highlight reel. And after he runs yours, Rev., he's gonna tell you two things: 1) You'll never be anything like the solid, God-fearing man your father was & 2) Genius really does skip a generation.

I get it. "Vote Obama out!" "Vote ALL THE BUMS out!". Yeah, that sounds like an election year to me. I know, I get it. Obama is a bad guy (so the rest of the world is telling me). But I'm gonna end this post quietly with a few things that I know:

     Gingrich: Blowhard, gasbag, doesn't know who he's gonna fuck next.

     Santorum: Closet homosexual culture warrior that hates minorities, homosexuals & women.

     Romney: couldn't inspire anyone to tie their shoes, let along run this country.

     Obama: Was singing at the White House with Buddy Guy, B.B. King & MICK FUCKIN JAGGER. Jesus Shit!!!

FORWARD.
      

Monday, February 20, 2012

And now folks... Today's lesson? Civility

Lemme first get to all my shouts. All hail the new friends I made last holiday night, you guys are awesome. And lemme give some love to Becky in Iowa, Corona Ray got one chillin on ice for me, And my Twitter wifey Jen, whom all my good things flow. Love you.

Nothing made me more happier last night than to see two acts of the most nonviolent or nonviolent protests. First, the beautiful sight off all those women in front of the state capital in Virginia. What a sight. The silence was deafening & their message was heard. The vote for forcible transvaginal probing was delayed, Gov. McDonnell looks like a prehistoric boob & women can breath a small, minuscule sigh of relief. Don't get me wrong the fight is FARRRRR from over, but in this stupid-ass culture war, we'll just chalk this up to 1 in the W column for the good guys...er, girls.

And the silent protest at UC-Davis. That protest was so silent it scared. The chancellor & her driver walking out of the hall to find protesters by candlelight, silent, press about snapping pictures. The only people you heard speaking were from the press with microphones in her face. The chancellor looked really scared, as she ought to have looked after letting the campus police run roughshod all over those students with pepper spray for no good goddamn reason at all. It was such an eerie feeling, I could've sworn she was gonna get shot, stabbed or attacked in some way. It was just downright creepy. And for those that don't believe me when I say how creepy it was, just check that shit on YouTube. You'll turn cold.

Lemme, just interject something real quick. If you're a WOMAN... an actual woman, not a man talking about female reproduction rights and general health in THEORY... if you're a woman, I don't give a damn your stance on abortion. I'm talking about HPV, STDs, infections, disorders, and other basic female medical needs. YOU NEED TO BE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THIS ISSUE. If you're against that kinda shit & you're a woman, you are a TRUE TRAITOR TO THE CAUSE (and this is coming from the DUDEST of dudes). You're against this? You're the chick that goes to the casino & bets on the house to win. You root for the guys in the black hats when you watch cowboy flicks. You're the chick that would stab herself in the back just to see what the sensation of pity would feel like. You're the woman walking down the street with that dopey look on your face as I & the rest of the world think to ourselves watching you "How the hell did she ever live to make it THIS long".

And to those people who just had to jump on me when I had a minor, though different point of view Sunday. Please, remember that the first thing about civil discourse is... CIVIL, JACKASSES!!! Calm the fuck down! Pop a Quaalude, go jerk off with a Slap Chop, do what ya gotta do. But for the love of all that may be holy, PIPE DOWN. I get it. Ron Paul REVOLUTION. Truth in politics, end of big money, end the fed, Constitution. I GET IT. I'm with you. I believe in your cause, but don't think you're just gonna yell me down in a bullshit politics argument on a Sunday morning. Gentleman, I will make you weep. Ladies, I shall come down with the force of God's mighty hand, you're ladies, you should act better them. Just... don't do it.

To the 178 people that haven't done it (my followers), I thank you. Twitter rocks. I'm loving it.

Laters, time to do something I shouldn't be doing - midget porn. FORWARD.

The Presidency

Just a little something to make you think on this President's Day. I would like to think them as observations & not a history lesson becausewe all know how most of us love our history teacher. Oy!!!! Nellie Taft was the woman who told her husband Bill "I think we would look just sultry in that big White House with all this land and all those servants doing whatever we want". And the rightfully trepidacious Bill said "Oh, alright, but I dont think this is such a bright fuckin idea". And this we have our 27th President William H. Taft and his First Lady... um...um.. Ya see, that's the thing. Mrs. Bright Lights, Big City, Let's Go Power Crazy Nellie Taft DIED shortly after her husband took office! leaving her husband Bill holding the bag.

Fast forward to 2012... we see Mrs. Tiffany, AKA Callista Gingrich. Who happened upon this lonely, horny old man named Newt. Yes, that Newt, the conservative with the gay sister that looks more manly than he does. More baggage than LAX & O'Hare Airport combined, he was thrown out of the Speakership by his own party. Questionable political ethics and all, his EVERYDAY ethics is questioned when he leaves his dying wives (yes, WIVES, PLURAL) for Ms. Tiffany & her screw-on hairdo. A few blowjobs in the back of the car later, she whips out an idea that you & I both know he didn't come up with: "Baby, if I could just get in that big White House w/all those pretty trees & servants & $, I'll give you all the blowjobs you want!".

 What is the aftermath of all that bullshit I just threw at you? William H. Taft became Chief Justice of our Supreme Court, becoming the first former President to swear in another President. Newt? Well, we shall see. But we know this one thing to be true. Blowjobs, $, fame & killer salary aside, getting led by your privates is never a good thing. For male AND FEMALE.

 By the way, i just seen 7-time Olympiac gold medal winner Mark Spitz...in a testosterone commercial!! Ain't that a bitch.

 What this country needs is a Presidentthat uses his party affiliation as just a title. We need a President that'll beat the shit outta ya without starting a war. we need a hawk-minded dove that can win a Nobel Peace Prize. A President that wakes up every morning and looks at the middle class in America & uses it to gauge what he's gonna do with the rest of the country. WE NEED ANOTHER TEDDY ROOSEVELT! THAT'S the kind of Republican THIS bleeding heart dem will vote for evey time, anytime. FORWARD.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

And It Goes Like This...

I can't wait till Bob's Burgers comes back in Fox Sundays, that show is WHACK. H. Jon Benjamin is the voice of he aforementioned Bob, who is also the voice of Archer on FX, WHICH is also one of the funniest shows in the history of television (yes, it's true, kiss my ass ifya don't believe me).

Magical day of hockey. Glad to see the Blackhawks win one at home for change. They were beginning to scare me. I wanna see the Leafs win one so my girl McTitties doesn't go into depression. Hee sad makes me sad.

Shoutout to the Twitter wifey Jen. Love you, baby!!!

Here it is, sports fans. That grandiose pomposity you were hoping for from Newt Gingrich is, most likely, gonna happen at the AZ debate this Wednesday night. Santorum with his one-man culture war has been duking it out with 70s game show host Mitt Romney so hard the country is only paying attention to which mistake these two douches will make next. The only thing Gingrich got this February is a stiff-faced blowjob from Callista & a shitload of Chinese food. Meanwhile, his popularity is on life support. And what is the one thing a know-it-all windbag must do to show the world that he still means something to more than 3 people? CREATE A MENTAL IMPLOSION THE LIKES YOU'VE NEVER SEEN!!! Get your popcorn ready.

Survey says?! Romney's an asshole. Born in Michigan, the heart of American automotives (& if you don't want a Mustang, you're a goddamn liar), he says to the American automotive industry "Go fuck yourselves!!". Then the Americans become numero uno & he says "Yeah, that thing I said earlier... I'm kinda hoping you guys will forget I said that". He's been choking on his "Let GM Go Bankrupt" op-ed piece he wrote & he is now in danger of losing his daddy's home state!!! That man is a GENIUS.

I'm gonna get the hell outta here. Be sure to check out all sorts of other shit in my head later on. Watching the Simpsons 500th episode. FORWARD.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Givin It Up To The Ladies... Part 2

Shoutout to Yvonne for reading my blog. Goes to show, just when you think no one is paying attention, WHAM!! Thanks much, ya drive me crazy (whoa, Fine Young Cannibals reference!) Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Darrell Issa is a smart guy. He's in Congress for god's sake. No matter the stoopid things that Congress does, you gotta be a smart guy in order to make it to the big time. So, it was really baffling to me to turn on the TV the other day and see this hearing on contraception... and not one woman talking about contraception. Not that there wasn't a woman in the whole DC area they could find to talk about this important issue. I mean that Congressmen were asking questions...to a bunch of men!!!

Chairman Issa, are you on crack?!?! You must be. Because you're so high, you didn't even read one page of the Newt Gingrich book on grandstanding & hyperbole. Shamenh on you!!

There is nothing new about what Foster Friess said the other day on Andrea Mitchell. I've heard my dad's friends say shit like that before when I was a youngster. The only thing that was shocking to me is that he said it on TV. It seems as though the fighters in Culture War 2.0 have forgotten that this time around there is this little thing called the internet that never misses a thing. And as long as they keep forgetting, we're ginna have some shit that we an all laugh at out loud. So, way to go, Foster!! You mysogynistic,  rich, tasteless bastard. Keep flapping.

I am WAY WAY too tired to even go into the transvaginal ultrasound agenda in the state of Virginia Bunch of goddamn savages.

BREAKING: Some asshole caught by the FBI in a terror sting. Check that shit out.

I know I said that I wasn't gonna be back till the AZ primary, but....I lied lol. If you're in shock about it, take an aspirin :)  FORWARD

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Random thoughts...

First, all love and honor to my Twitter wife @ETXS4FREEDOM. She makes me feel funny in my manly, dangly parts.

I think Rick Santorum & Nicki Manaj should either become residents or manage an insane asylum. That would be so fitting. And you an always make Mrs. Santorum a resident, too. I don't give a shit if her and Rick got the 7 kids, she fucked the doctor that delivered her. That is plain WHACK!!

Please, remember that there will be full coverage of Whitney's funeral at livestream.com/aplive this Saturday.

I cant't wait for baseball season!! The sheer boredom is killing me!! I could kickchop a koala.

Twitter is so good. I don't know which is better, my shaving cream or Twitter (hey, this is good fuckin cream).

I know that we all express our grief in different ways, but enough with the online tributes to Whitney. All of the voices I keep hearing that couldn't hold a candle to her on her most normal of days...it's creating a disturbance in the force! Please, cease.

I will be more than happy to comment on more political stuff when things get heated up after Michigan. How many homes does this asshole Romney have? How much can Santorum do with the lack of money? WHERE THE HELL IS NEWT?!?! Let's all have a look at the fun ahead & be sure to have your popcorn ready, because there's gonna be some wild west kinda fun when they hit Arizona. In the meantime, peace & chicken grease. FORWARD.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Valentine's Day is over, back to work.

Well, Valentine's Day is over, the chocolate & champagne all gone. The lube is all gone & your asshole is still hurting from that "little thing you swore you would do" that he/she held you to. Back to real life as we limp around the office, the boss wondering what the hell position got me so twisted up like a pretzel.

Anyhoo, like I said, back to real life.Once again, everyone at Obamalabs, Inc. that has been working around the clock preparing for the general election wth Romney, aka "Mittens". I believe that everyone in the lab has been in the break room drinking beer and dancing the Monkey, TV cranked at the news that Santorum has the possibility to win Mitt's home state of Michigan. 

Which brings me to the warning that I have for all of you: 1987 called, they want their fucking culture war back. the whle world has changed since the fall of the Berlin Wall. Views have changed, freedom is more of a norm instead of something to fight for (don't get me wrong, freedom is something that we should all fight for, you guys know what I meant). Women have more rights, minorities have more rights, people that have fought against the rights and free will of others have either died or have been neutralized. The internet has given all of us from 8-80 the ability to speak our minds with the protection of a country that is free.. AND these countries that are not free (China, the Middle East)... we have seen what happens  with the power of information & what a little of it can do to a whole country. 

So, when you listen to all the politicians out there, think of the ones that are doing their job making America better. And not about the ones fighting imaginary wars that were already lost. FORWARD.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

To the faihfully departed.

TV once again telling us what we already know, pills and alcohol found in Whitney's room. Damn shame, but you can't burn the candle at both ends and no expect for something like this to have a happy ending. You can do drugs with your man that clearly...ya shouldn't have been with in the first place...ORRRRRR (shudder to think) you can be an international superstar, making millions of people smile withthe god-given talent that you've been blessed with. I'm all for multitasking, but YOU CAN'T DO BOTH in this game that we call LIFE.

The Grammys were most amazing. From the Whitney tribute, to the goddess that is Adele sweeping the ceremony going 6-6, to seeing the Beach Boys & Glen Campbell getting their honors (long deserved). The whole damn ceremony was about as classy as you could get & FAR exceeded my expectations. It was a joy to watch (and this is coming from a guy that hasnt seen a Grammys in 15 years!). BONUS: shoutout to Bruno Mars, muthtafucka tore that shit up!!

Nicki Manaj is one of the craziest bitches to have ever walked the earth. But anytime i can see the churh take it on the chin a little that's always a good thing. So, way to go... crazy bitch.

Did you hear what Santorum said on Meet the Press?!?! OMFG!! He said that there was nithing wrong with being the "Richie Cunningham candidate". That shit ain't right. He's on national TV telling us that there would nothing wrong with 1950s presidency. Sickenening.

Well, that about does it here, I'll see you guys on the flipside. FORWARD.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Taking my own advice ....

i was going to give up on blogging altogether, until 2 nice ladies named Micayla & Courtney told me they liked it. Micayla told me to "do me" . So, im taking her advice. FORWARD I will go as me and only me. Like it if you wanna, fuck it if ya don't.

CPAC. OMFG!!! I'm not gonna spend to much time on this because to hear the bullshit that was spewed in DC this past weekend. Sickening. Gingrich talking about following illegals with UPS equipment, Santorum fighting the one-man culture war, CPAC straw poll winner Romney showing how "severely conservative" he was and is. And Palin...ugh, don't get me started on that woman!! Just her in any position of power is enough to set back womanhood about 40 years!! BTW, lemme just take a little timeout to register a little aside to heaven's suggestion box. I say please, send me a hot librarian & I get a moose-shootin, psychobitch w/an annoying voice. Not what I had in mind.

HOCKEY DAY IN CANADA!! For you Canadians out there, it was just another kick ass day. But for me, an American, blk guy longing for one more week in the NFL season, today was awesome. I learned a lot more than I already knew, the action was nonstop, I even got a little history lesson out of it. So, now it looks as though I got a sport to tide me over until spring training gets here. SWEET!!

Last, but never least. Whitney Houston. My god. I'm not gonna talk too much about it. But i think we all should say something about Whitney & what she meant to our lives. Leave your comments and memories on this blog. I'll start. I remember if there was long family road trip involvee, my dad had three cassettes ready to go at all times in the big-ass conversion van: Gladys Knight's Greatest Hits, Al Green's Greatest Hits & WHITNEY HOUSTON. We hit the Mississippi border listening to "Saving All My Love For You" & Mama would always look over at Daddy in the passenger seat sleeping & snoring. She would just smile and I never knew why (I was like 8, 9 tops). Now I know. i wish Daddy and Whitney was still with us. RIP.

That does it for me, y'all, I'm just emotionally drained. Please, take care. And light a candle tonight. Just... fuckin just, aight?! FORWARD.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Givin it up to the ladies...

i just wanna thank you to the Susan G, Komen foundation for reinstating their funding for Planned Parenthood. Make any arument you want about government control of your body, and politica shouldn't be involved in your health. There's an old saying that our fathers have thrown around for years: if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Right when i was revising this blog for the second time, the reversal came down. But before that - and all last night - i was just like millions of women everywhere were. Hurt, stunned, confused. And also justlike them I got INQUISITIVE. Why in the world would such a strong organization cave into Congress like that? What was up with the hiring of Jackie Handel? How in the world does an organization and Congress mix apples and oranges together like that? And rather large apples and oranges, too. Female health, breast exams, saving lives morphing into gov't funding of abortions, GOP grandstanding and straight up Washington intimidation.

Which, by the way, is the dumbest thing Congress could ever do. That's Bush administration shit, we didn't like it then, we aint ginna have it now.

I'm not going to go into specific details on this topic because I know that a serious, egregious error was ALMOST...ALMOST committed. No harm, no foul, but vigilencein the face of DC must always be used. But I will leave this topic with a few musings that should make common sense to all: women not getting breast cancer is a good thing. Contraception is a good thing, damn what religion you believe in. Females living productive, healthy lives are a good thing. When religion and Congress get in the way, nothing good ever happens. Damn the ideology, it's time to for all - I mean ALL - the ladies to fight to LIVE.  FORWARD.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Just an introduction

Hey, what up, all. I'm Charlie & believe me, you'll wanna know me. I'm in my mid 30s, unemployed and not loving it & I needed something to do. So I decided to use my cultural and political awareness & create a blog. Nothing too fancy, no frills, just something to get my simple message out and maybe start some shit with a few people. I think starting something is never a bad thing. I think having an opinion and hurling it at people as fast as a Nolan Ryan fastball is the tops, the bee's knees, DA SHIT!!

There is way too much going on in this country for one or more men or women not to comment on. And I mean REALLY comment. A serious formulation of complete thoughts and words, DAMN THE PUNCTATION. Tweeting is great, I'm a new tweeter & and I get my kicks 160 characters at s time. But here you will find thoughts provoking and nonprovoking to make you...make a face/squirm uncomfortably/laugh out loud, etc.

It's all out there and i know that I'm not the only one saying it. That's what the blogosphere is for. But you and I together talking about all this shit we see? WE, yes, we shall be unstoppable. Let's all take the freedom of speech. FORWARD.

See you tomorrow, see you Saturday, I promise you all I'll never be long or leave ya hangin. In the meantime, I'll let the ladies marinate on this until my speedy return. Susan G. Komen, Planned Parenthood, and Congressional bullshit vs reproductive rights.